not native fruit

response to solitude, etc

A friend who has been a Buddhist nun for 20 plus years wrote this response to my previous blog, and I asked her if I might share it here:

Shonen

I don't know anything about what they call Artemesian solitary austerity or the joyous union of Aphrodite, though I can guess, but I understand the difference she paints between the misogynist patriarchal structures and the more balanced contemplative  formats. I wonder if anyone really knows anything about these groups devoted to Artemis or Aphrodite, and whether they really were based on feminine principles. It seems to me, since they were dominant power structures in their cultures, they still may have been controlled by men, but it seems to me it's hard to discern what really went on from the available information. In any case, in a perfect world, or organization, there needs to be,  I think, a balance between action with focus, which I think is the masculine principle, and feeling receptivity, the feminine.  Chastity is definitely a character quality that can be expressed whether one is in a
sexual union or not. And I think this is a point well taken:   Anxiety towards the opposite sex and a solitary life are two realities which should not be confounded."    Nor do I think solitary contemplation and joyous union are mutually exclusive. It seems to me that many monastic orders have become dangerously one-sided. It says very clearly in words attributed to Jesus that One must love the Lord your God, AND your neighbor as yourself. Not Love God OR your neighbor. So we need to have that relationship with God, which fuels a relationship with other persons, and allows the practice and application of what is given and felt in the God contemplation. The vows of poverty, chastity and obedience are wonderful, I think, when taken spiritually, but when usurped by a materialistic patriarchal structure for the purpose of worldly authority and control are perverted and extremely detrimental.  Who is more poor of self than a mother or caregiver, who expresses
divine love in tenderness, nurturing and patience with a child? Who is more chaste than a lover, wife or husband, who is loyal to their partner and believes in their loveliness through many cycles of life? And who is more obedient than one who refuses to do what they are commanded to do out of obedience to the commandment to love their neighbor? But of course those acts don't fit into a traditional monastic format.  I would say Principle, or law/truth is a masculine function, and Love, the feminine, and both are necessary to manifest Life in creation.

Thanks for the food for thought!

solitude, monasticism and artemis

“Opposing the solitary austerity of Artemis to the joyous union inspired by Aphrodite must not let us forget the benefits of solitude, the significance, for the contemporary personality, of Artemesian chastity. 

“Since, from the beginnings of Christianity, most examples of the solitary meditative life have been offered by monasticism, it is relevant to establish the bond, at once historic and mythic, between the cult of Artemis and the solitary life as lived by the religious orders of Christendom, in order to discover the positive elements of both Christian and Artemesian seclusion.

“However, we must distinguish the chastity of the monk or hermit from that of the secular priest, for they did not have the same meaning, nor the same effect.  We have spoken sufficiently of the misogyny of the Fathers of the Church, who, while appropriating to their own advantage the power of domination over others (particularly over women), refused to grant the least power to the feminine sex.  The chastity of such men, who were men of power rather than of spirit, often and unfortunately implied disdain or dislike of women.  When chastity is defined more by negation – rejection of the other sex – then by a positive choice of a way of life, its experience is corrupted.  Anxiety towards the opposite sex and a solitary life are two realitites which should not be confounded.” (pp. 132 -133)

“The first communities of monks or solitaries, as marginalizing the dominant values of their society, had other things to do than found a family.  Their refusal of relationship with the opposite sex was perhaps above all a refusal to identify with the paterfamilias and the conqueror mentality associated with virility.  For the nuns, chastity might have been a way to escape the biological destiny of maternity and a way to live in a female hierarchy of power.  In fact, certain monks gave the impression of venerating nature and the feminine principle but also of identifying with the style of life proper to women: they wore robes, tilled the soil, and refused to fight wars.  (The first Christian monks, retired into the desert or into a monastery, were often Roman soldiers who refused military service.) (133)

“The chastity of the first Christian monks thus resembles the castration of the priests of Artemis, who emasculated themselves voluntarily to enter the service of the virgin Goddess, approaching her through mimesis.  Contrary to this, the priests of the ecclesiastical orders identify with a hierarchy of power that is strictly male and that clearly seeks to keep the priest from feminine contagion.  The pyramidical organization of ecclesiastical power resembles that of an army, whereas the rules and values adopted by the religious orders – such as the Franciscans, the Benedictines, or the Cistercians – are much more similar to the cult of Artemis and of nature than to the rest of the Church.  The equilibrium of manual labor, contemplation, and intellectual work, their cult of nature, and the importance accorded solitude and silence – all these aimed to develop contemplatives and not soldiers of Christ.” 

These passages are quoted from "Pagan Meditations, The Worlds of Aphrodite, Hestia, Artemis" by Ginette Paris, published by Spring Publication.

I just happened to open to this by chance, and everywhere I look in this book I want to copy out passages! (The ancient scribe-woman lives!)  This particular section helps me to make sense of how, when I was self-identified as Christian, I did not feel 'sympatico' with much that was happening around me in the 'church,' but rather felt drawn to the monastic tradition, to contemplative practices, and I idealized 'the hermit living in the woods.'  (I've pretty much transfered all of this whole to Hinduism where it also fits in rather well, especially with my Guiding Light, Amma, whose personal spiritual practice took place basically on the beach.)  I was also able to see how the Andalusian culture of contemplation, enshrined in the 'alcove,' the meditation garden, etcetera, was adopted into European Christian culture in the late medieval period and how that influenced the Catholicism I grew up with, but this puts a whole new slant on things. 

For me, Ginette Paris' words evoke a startling realization, a whole new way of seeing something previously very familiar, or so I thought.

bathing cap

I need to buy a new bathing cap.  The black one I now own is starting to split.  Sometimes I feel like I'm measuring out my life in new bathing caps - (how pathetic) - which I always purchase at Mary's and Joe's Sporting Goods in Albany.  Let's see, I guess I've been buying bathing caps there for thirty years.  I used to swim at the Albany High School pool, and now I swim at the Y in Berkeley. 

The store is still owned by Mary's and Joe's family.  My partner, G, used to eat breakfast every morning with Joe at the counter of the old Golden Bear restaurant at Gilman and San Pablo, now Genki Japanese food.  I remember Joe, a sharp spare man with a narrow face and thinning hair, a small smile playing always about his lips and a sparkle of slightly devilish humor in his eye.  Joe died suddenly in his fifties of a heart attack.  It was difficult at first, but Mary and their kids and grandkids have carried on the business, a nice large Catholic (most likely) Italian family.  I like shopping there.  They serve all the Catholic high schools and so forth in the area.  Reminds me of growing up in Philadelphia, which had a large Italian Catholic population when I lived there.

Catholicism has been on 'hard times' lately, what with all the sex-scandals, but it has its good points too.  It has been known to produce some very positive, ethical, thoughtful (as in cerebrally active) people.  Old Catholicism had a somewhat incestuous relationship with Islam for many years, from which I believe it benefited in ways that benefited me.  One of the things that really worked for me in Catholicism was its contemplative wing, its allowing and even cultivating of silent prayer - communing with the Divine, if you will - even if only as a sort of side-offering, the main offerings being sacramental life and missionary activity. But the introverts had a place in the Church too.  Also it's had a tradition of a life-style combining work and spiritual reading, which seems to be the life-pattern I am following, without really 'intending' to, it's just come naturally.  I think the work and spiritual reading pattern is  Benedictine, which was a quite pervasive influence and model of Christian life at an early period of the expansion of the Church in Europe, hence its deep influence in later Catholicism.

Early on, Catholicism embraced an ideal of perpetual virginity, making sexual matters central to its spiritual ideal.  Family life was in there somewhere, but it was 'lesser' than the life of perpetual virginity.  Certainly at some times in human history it seems as if people flock to the life of perpetual virginity, but at other times - easier times - the constant focus on virginity becomes more difficult to navigate.  Many of the men who became priests in the twentieth century received little or no formation in how to deal with emotional and sexual needs.  So...in addition to the sex-scandals, we see a high level of alcoholism and mild forms of mental illness in that population.

Well, back to happier themes - back to my bathing cap! - I find my time at the Y, both swimming in the pool and also sitting in the little steam room, to be a very meditative and restorative part of my day.  A kind of athletic monasticism seems to balance me and bring me back to myself.  I'm so grateful for the Y.

silent eloquence by nina marshall

I fail to find a verb or form a phrase
that I consider worthy of your praise.
Does there exist sweet melody or rhyme
that’s fit enough to sing your song sublime?

In awe of you, the painter’s brush lies still,
the poet shyly puts aside his quill,
the violinist lays away his bow,
and flute sits breathless, basking in your glow.

Your silent eloquence sails height profound,
and conjured symphony without a sound.
With polished art, your glance articulates
the grace that elevates to supreme states.

My mind rests blissfully inside your silence
and radiates an inner soul alliance.

 

 

*     *     *      *     *
i try not to bother you all too much with my devotion to my wonderful satguru, amma, whom i dearly love.  but i just had to post this poem by remadevi nina marshall, who is herself a musician and a long time resident of amma's ashram in india.  not only is this a beautiful poem, but it expresses the spiritual intimacy that amma is capable of, and which each one of us feels, each in our own way.  i would not have dreamed that such an experience might be possible, and i truly felt as if i had found 'fabled gold' when i met amma.  that was twenty years ago, and the experience continues on.

moorish gardens

I've been thinking about my years as a Catholic, and realizing that the things I probably appreciated most about that tradition were three: one, all the beautiful places for contemplation that I experienced as a Catholic.  Beautiful gardens, alcoves, chapels, fountains, grottoes.  The odd thing is that these were probably traditionally derived from Islamic spirituality.  In the Middle Ages, Christianity was deeply impressed and influenced by Moorish culture and spirituality.  The Moors were much admired and imitated and studied by the medieval christians, and a great deal of their culture was absorbed.

I think we could all be more aware of the fact that religions are not and have never been hermetically sealed vessels.  There has always been a lot of sharing and blending among religious traditions within a cultural context.  Divisions and factions have been fomented for political reasons by individuals and groups of people who stood to gain, and warfare has been carried out for generations afterward by people who stood to gain very little.  It's really a trick of the mind that leads us to think there are 'different religions.'  I've just been reading a book about early Scotland that remarks on a portrait of a Scottish Bishop who is 'flanked by a crescent moon and a six-pointed start.  Our interpretation is that all three faiths - Christian, Jewish, Muslim - were tolerated and practiced in the diocese of St. Andrew's.'  So this phenomenon was hardly unique to medieval Spain, and according to travelers I have met, still exists in Eastern Europe.

When I studied theology in the nineteen-eighties, one of the main points they wanted to bring home to us is that Christianity emerged from a large pan-Mediterranean gnostic culture, in which many different 'religions' flourished, all sharing a basic gnostic orientation.  The history, development and interrelationship of the 'Big Three' - Christianity, Judaism and Islam - is very interesting, not from the political and land-grab perspective, but in terms of human spiritual evolution.

The second thing I appreciated about my time in Catholicism are some of the wonderful people I met who had such an optimistic, positive orientation.  Obviously, not everyone shared this, but I'm focusing on those who really brightened my day, and brightened the world for me, for that matter.  It is possible to find a very positive orientation in Catholicism, but it can sometimes verge on the 'pollyanna' side, and I guess I found at some point that it was not adequate for me.  This may also be because it was not really thriving as a living spiritual tradition in my locale.  Or if it was, I didn't have access to it.

Lastly, I appreciated the ritual aspects of the worship at the time I was involved there.  I no longer feel moved by that particular ritual and have found another I find more nourishing to my soul and spirit at the present time.  But I realize that in the Western world, there is rather a dearth of that kind of ceremonial ritual which is so richly patterned deep within the human soul, so what little we still have has to be acknowledged and appreciated.

the prayer hut

“As it was, the hut felt just right: flimsy, isolated, almost furtive, a place to pray truly, a theft of time from a greedy world.  A place where prayer still felt like what it really was, something dangerous.  “Is not my Word like a fire?  saith the Lord; and like a hammer that breaketh the rock in pieces?”  He had drifted; you always drifted.  Mike found his breath and rode it into the flame again, and memory sweltered and cracked in that soft fire, into shards of regret and bewilderment, benediction and dread: the mystery, the burning knot, the impossibility of self and world.  The slipshod walls of scrap and junk sighed and settled like a hearth; the fear within him burned and burned, and he sat at the heart of the fire it fed and breathed cool air. "

from The Monk Upstairs, by Tim Farrington, HarperSanFrancisco, 2007

when friends must part

One of my closest friends is moving back to Japan, permanently - at least, that is her hope.  She often says 'indefinitely,' but I know she is hoping it will be permanent.  She is returning to her monastery where she practiced as a buddhist nun for sixteen years.  She has spent five years here, living near me, and during that time we have become 'dus.'  In my ongoing self-study of danish, I've come to a chapter where the use of the personal pronoun, you, is discussed.  I think this is a very nice thing, that when a friendship develops to a certain stage of closeness, you stop addressing each other as 'De' and switch to the family term of endearment, 'du.'  You 'become du's with' each other.  This adds a certain clarity to the nature of your relationship which is lacking here in America.  I mean, we sometimes know when we're close friends, but there's no ceremony about it.  Apparently, there sometimes is a ceremony when danish friends become 'du's', but at the very least, it is something that takes form in language itself. 

Because of this, part of me is happy that she has regained her vocation, and feels the energy and determination to carry forward with her chosen life-path, another part of me feels a very deep grief at the loss of this friend.  Yes, of course, we will write, but I already have plenty of long-distance relationships.  This was a face-to-face friend, someone I spent some time with almost every week.  She has definitely been the best conversation in town, and also I sometimes shared the mundane errands of life with her, as she is disabled.  I am going to miss her so much.

Over the past six months, I have been feeling a call to renew my commitment to solitude.  Perhaps my friend's leaving is part of that.  It has been so much easier while she's been here.  I've always believed that every solitary needs at least a few real contacts, meaning people with whom they can really connect.  Books, of course, help, but a living breathing processing speaking and responding person is necessary, at least occasionally.  I felt like I was starving for that kind of conversation before she moved here from Japan.  Now she is returning there. 

Well, we'll see.  I'll continue with my healing work, my elder-companioning, my soup kitchen activities:  it's not like I'll have no contact with people. But I sure will miss my friend.

hermits need homes

i've just been talking with a few of my hermit-like friends about their need for 'a place.'  it seems self-evident to me that a hermit needs a PLACE, like big-time.  In an urban setting, a small apartment that is or at least feels isolated from the rest of the building residents, and that has, perhaps a small patio area or garden, or even just a window that looks out onto a tree, or a river, etc. can work well.  These are all examples from my acquaintances who value their solitude above everything else.  One man lives at the top of his building, in the room-with-bath at the farthest end of the corridor, and has a window overlooking an empty alley, and he thinks that's just great!

The problem is 'cost.'  At least in the Bay Area it's getting harder to find a place of your own at a reasonable cost.  One female friend of mine who has always been a solitary and wants to deepen that experience even more in her life is hesitant to rent a space in a neighborhood where she doesn't feel safe, but right now that's all she can afford.  Hermits, generally, are just not as interested as the rest of us in making money, attaining status and prestige, etc.  This works against them when they are looking for a place.  Most of them would like to have a place where there's some nature around.  Not all, but many.  As it is, they are an unrecognized and undervalued element in society.  But of course, 'society' today has all kinds of problems.  it's no wonder the needs of solitaries are not at the top of the list.